Communication is Key

COMMUNICATION IS KEY

You may be wondering how professional mediators or conflict coaches can work effectively to help people resolve or at least understand their differences. You may have an issue you’ve been arguing about for two years with no progress- how can an outsider bring anything new to the argument that you haven’t already considered? For one, mediators serve as neutrals to facilitate the conversation that needs to occur so that people can hear the perspectives that have been hidden behind blame, anger and frustration. A mediator is “outside” of the argument and can therefore neutralize the existing negative attitudes and behaviors through a skill set that should include an understanding of human dynamic based in behavioral research and models.

Listening:  a state of being actively open to hear anything the speaker has to say (except offensive remarks) to help the speaker identify critical issues and potential ways to solve them. The listener (mediator) focuses on thoughts, emotions and structural issues to illuminate the speaker’s main interests and needs.  A listener does not provide advice, suggestions, opinions or interpretations, which prevents the speaker from having control of their message.

Summarizing: The second communication technique important in resolving entrenched issues is the ability to clarify the speaker’s viewpoints by summarizing, reviewing or reframing the contents of the speaker’s message. This process gives the speaker a chance to review their own thoughts and feelings from a detached position, and also to present a summary to the other disputant, who may not have heard the viewpoints from that angle. A reframe of the speaker’s experiences may interject a more positive spin on the story, allowing both speaker and listener to have an alternative view, which might provide an opening for creative solutions.

Questioning: This is another important technique to open an entrenched conflict to greater understanding. When facts and feelings are not readily apparent, or masked by animosity, open-ended questions can surface important inconsistencies, contradictions, mistaken assumptions or unfounded belief systems. Good questions can highlight important data overlooked in the heat of the moment, often enough to help disparate sides reconsider their positions.

Mediators or neutrals are not the only ones who can utilize these important communication skills to open a tough communication to improved understanding and potential resolution. The steps of listening with an open mind to hear new data and perspectives, summarizing what you thought you heard to clarify the speaker’s message, and questioning the speaker to gain insight into the speaker’s assumptions or beliefs can facilitate any conversation not going well. And if you’re having trouble as you move forward, a mediator can provide a safe place to share your stories.