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Sunday, 26 October 2008 20:00 |
STANDING TALL TOGETHER As I watched this Colorado autumn unfold I was struck by two things. It was marvelous how long the leaves remained on the trees this fall season. Perhaps it was our salve to endure a harsh winter. Secondly, I was curious at how frequently I saw a green-leafed aspen standing tall adjacent to its golden-leafed brother. It reminded me |
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Sunday, 26 October 2008 19:58 |
PAST THE PARTISAN: GETTING INVOLVED IN THE LIVES OF OTHERSWhen was the last time you attempted to consider the viewpoints of someone whose opinions were different than yours? Do you show empathy, interest, or a willingness to engage with others to understand them better? Whether the differences you experience are related to politics, work, family or any other issue, it may be helpful to view the differences as opportunity to grow beyond your current insights. How useful is it to believe the persuasions of a partisan platform (or any long-held belief) without asking the hard questions and listening for truthful answers? How honest are you in your beliefs if you have only listened to the rhetoric rather than the core values representing someone else’s beliefs? Sometimes you contribute to conflict by refusing to hear new perspectives or denying that you may share the same underlying values to those perspectives. Why is it important for you to understand the interests of people who hold different views? One reason is that if you are to make strategic decisions that move you forward productively as a nation, or a community, family or in your places of work, it is useful to create opportunities to hear and respect the various insights that can better inform those strategies. The second reason is that these co-created strategies will be more fully supported by the whole group rather than subgroups that may hold partisan interests not representing the whole. Subgroup interests tend to cause upheaval in policy when periodic changes occur in management, administration or leadership. When interests that reflect the “whole” are implemented, people will collectively say “this is the way we do things here” and know what normative values and actions are acceptable. Whther it's a municipal code or a family rule, boundaries are easier to follow if everyone agrees on what's expected. How do you create opportunities to find this common ground with people who think so differently than yourself? First of all, stop “labeling” people who hold different viewpoints from yours. Opinions and complex behaviors are integrated within belief systems, history of experiences, and cultural background. Seldom do people come to opinions that are not a result of this interplay. People are a product of these social dynamics, and often have good reasons that yield an “opinion” or perspective, something that simple labeling cannot justify.Secondly, we need to stop inciting people to dangerous levels of intolerance and disagreement. When politicians provoke animosity among their followers, they are further alienating large segments of a society from coming to some common understanding of the perceived differences in complex issues. Similarly, parents or supervisors who allow unproductive disputes to fester among siblings or coworkers commit a grievous act against their charges by encouraging unproductive patterns of communication or behavior. Lastly, open your mind to consider the lives of people who are different than you. As they say, you won’t know how someone feels unless you “walk a mile in their shoes”. Your anger or animosity may dissipate upon discovering that someone else’s life is at least as challenging as yours in different ways. Consider how their belief systems evolved to protect their dignity or enhance their survival. |
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Sunday, 26 October 2008 19:56 |
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COMMUNICATION IS KEY You may be wondering how professional mediators or conflict coaches can work effectively to help people resolve or at least understand their differences. You may have an issue you’ve been arguing about for two years with no progress- how can an outsider bring anything new to the argument that you haven’t already considered? For one, mediators serve as neutrals to facilitate the conversation that needs to occur so that people can hear the perspectives that have been hidden behind blame, anger and frustration. A mediator is “outside” of the argument and can therefore neutralize the existing negative attitudes and behaviors through a skill set that should include an understanding of human dynamic based in behavioral research and models. Secondly, the mediator or conflict coach employs communication strategies designed to elicit more information about the nature and scope of the conflict. These techniques aim to create a common understanding between the disputing parties so there can be common goals in resolving the dispute. The most important of these techniques include: Listening: a state of being actively open to hear anything the speaker has to say (except offensive remarks) to help the speaker identify critical issues and potential ways to solve them. The listener (mediator) focuses on thoughts, emotions and structural issues to illuminate the speaker’s main interests and needs. A listener does not provide advice, suggestions, opinions or interpretations, which prevents the speaker from having control of their message. Summarizing: The second communication technique important in resolving entrenched issues is the ability to clarify the speaker’s viewpoints by summarizing, reviewing or reframing the contents of the speaker’s message. This process gives the speaker a chance to review their own thoughts and feelings from a detached position, and also to present a summary to the other disputant, who may not have heard the viewpoints from that angle. A reframe of the speaker’s experiences may interject a more positive spin on the story, allowing both speaker and listener to have an alternative view, which might provide an opening for creative solutions. Questioning: This is another important technique to open an entrenched conflict to greater understanding. When facts and feelings are not readily apparent, or masked by animosity, open-ended questions can surface important inconsistencies, contradictions, mistaken assumptions or unfounded belief systems. Good questions can highlight important data overlooked in the heat of the moment, often enough to help disparate sides reconsider their positions. Mediators or neutrals are not the only ones who can utilize these important communication skills to open a tough communication to improved understanding and potential resolution. The steps of listening with an open mind to hear new data and perspectives, summarizing what you thought you heard to clarify the speaker’s message, and questioning the speaker to gain insight into the speaker’s assumptions or beliefs can facilitate any conversation not going well. And if you’re having trouble as you move forward, a mediator can provide a safe place to share your stories. |
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Sunday, 26 October 2008 19:55 |
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INQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW Have you ever wondered why some people vote the Republican ticket and others follow the liberal message? It could be as simple as “all my friends do” or “it was my dad’s ticket” but more likely there are some fairly deep messages that appeal to the voter’s intrinsic values or beliefs that are not represented by the other party. Most of us refrain from talking politics unless we’re in the company of like-minded souls, for fear or delving into conflict-ridden waters. But that assumes that |
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